Living in present

After completing Insanity I declared to the world (ok...my world on facebook :) ) that I have conquered fibromyalgia. And yes I did indeed feel like a conqueror even though I still suffered from the chronic pain. I had used my mind to conquer the physical pain and through hard work I had achieved my goal of being physically fit to complete an insane program. I lived with this euphoric feeling for a few months, still working out with similar intensity but also enjoying the luxuries of life in my fitter body. However, as all good things must come to end, this euphoria also died soon and I forgot my physical fitness accomplishments  and let the work stress take over my life once again.

I have always been a very driven person, as a student I excelled at academics, at work I always out performed and am pretty good at the hobbies/ fun activities that I undertake from time to time. One of the many important things I am not good at - feeling secure in my accomplishments. As I reach one goal, I start working towards the next one so much so that I have never allowed myself a true break in my life. On vacations also I would stay connected to work email, exercise twice a day to manage the increased calorie intake...basically I don't know how to truly relax. My mind is always active - counting steps as I walk alone, counting strokes as I swim, planning my day as I run, playing games on my phone while watching TV, reading while eating...the list is endless.

So it's little wonder that I was back to chasing another goal, of getting my professional life in line with my expectations, before my mind had the time to register and celebrate the hard earned accomplishment. As things continued to worsen on my work front, I sought solace in materialistic things - retail therapy, partying, salsa dancing...even though each of these things actually added to my stress levels. Salsa classes were held in mornings on Saturday and Sunday which meant that I had a pretty busy first half of the day (workout, drive to class, attend class, drive back home) on weekends as well. Partying was always accompanied by alcohol & late nights that wreaked havoc on my body. Retail therapy was always good until I would receive my credit card bill.

During this period I also made some big judgement errors, I allowed certain people to enter my life - both personal and professional, which (in hindsight) I shouldn't have! And by middle of 2014, I was at one of the lowest points in my life! There wasn't any serious professional crisis, I had all the material comforts in my personal life, health issues were there but nothing new. And yet I was unhappy and restless - there was no real reason to why I was feeling so low and hopeless. The strange thing was that my logical mind was aware of this but for some unknown reason my emotional mind wasn't accepting the reality. Action oriented personality that I am, I sought help but nothing seem to work.

In the midst of all this emotional chaos, I somehow ended up making plans with a bunch of friends to hike to Everest Base Camp. My family wasn't too happy about it as they felt that I wasn't in the correct frame of mind to undertake something as arduous as this. However, thanks to my stubborn nature (the other extreme of determination) I won the argument and I proceeded with the flight bookings and travel arrangements.

As the dates for the adventure drew close,  the things on all fronts suddenly seem to spiral out of control - including my employer classifying this planned and earned vacation as unpaid leave! Another friend cum colleague who I had loaned money and who had moved the repayment date multiple times started behaving like a lunatic as I pressured him to return the loan. Even when I was in Kathmandu I received emails that made me really upset. But I told myself that I will handle all this when I am back and I continued with the hike.

I had connectivity through wifi and cellphone in the beginning but by the 4th day of the trek, I lost all modes of connection to the outside world. All I had around me was the ethereal beauty of the Himalayas and my favorite songs on my mp3 player. I would walk alone most day as I was fastest in the group and also because I needed the solitude.

As I walked alone, listening to the sounds of nature, waving to the local kids and exchanging greetings with complete strangers en-route to EBC or coming back from it, a strange sense of calm started to descend on me. At first, I was focused on the happenings outside - I would notice people, hear the river, listen to songs, interact with folks. Then I started thinking - introspecting - what did I do wrong, where did I go wrong, what could have I done better and so on...slowly these thoughts also died. I then became focused on getting to my destination. And as I stood there at the base camp - on a glacier, in absolute silence, amidst the grandeur of the white peaks around me - I felt at peace. The feeling was so strange to me that at first I couldn't understand what was happening to me. The world seemed to move in slow motion. I could hear the glacier melting, a feeling of warmth started to spread all over me and I just stood transfixed for some time till my guide called out that it was time to leave.

As I walked back to Lukla over next 3 days, mostly alone, I realized that I had stopped thinking about the destination or the future or the past. I was just enjoying the walk - if I felt tired I rested, if I felt thirsty I had water, if I felt  hungry I ate and if I lost the way, I just waited for the porters to catch up with me. At one point I sat alone for more than an hour by the roadside waiting for others to show up - just enjoying the mid morning sun and watching people do their daily chores. All this was new to me, doing nothing and waiting - if nothing else I would play games on my phone but I didn't do that either. And as I just sat there doing nothing, I started to understand what being in present really means!

What Insanity taught me...

9 weeks of Insanity were truly 9 weeks of torture for me. Undertaking such a workout routine while dealing with chronic pain isn't easy and on top of that I managed to twist my ankle middle of the program. Plus a 5 day vacation planned months in advance also happened to coincide with week 7. In summary, I had enough reasons to take a break from the program - usual fibromyalgia pain that had flared up due to this tough routine, twisted ankle and the first vacation of the year that I was so looking forward to. But I did not take a break - not one day - I even worked out (ran or swam) on the rest days prescribed by the calendar.

One can call is sheer stupidity or one can call it sheer will power - I will simply call it discipline. I had signed up for the program knowing that it might aggravate my pain, knowing that it will clash with my vacation and twisted ankle was manageable with kinesiology tape. There was no true hurdle standing in my way of completing it. So I stayed at it and finished it in time. What this program taught me was two things:

One...things will go wrong (not always but mostly) and what defines us is how we choose to deal with those hurdles. If you give up once, you will give up even more easily the next time. So giving up is not an option...you stay at it...may be not with same intensity...may be not with all your energy...but you don't give up

Two...the key to building physical endurance is mental endurance. One cannot build the former without the latter. When I gave up in the middle of Fit Test that I undertook in 2012 wasn't just because I was physically weak. I was weak mentally as well. Half way through the test, I told myself - this is too tough for me, I am not ready for it, it will increase my pain and that is why gave up.

When I took the same test in 2013, I didn't think about completing it, I didn't think whether I would be able to do it or not - I basically didn't think about the goal or the end. I just decided to take the test and see how it goes and lo & behold I performed as good or better than the two participants on video. Even when I decided to do the entire program, I just took it one day at a time. I never made my self sick thinking about 9 long weeks - the next day of workout was scary enough for me. I would go to bed every night a bit scared of how will my pain ridden body manage another intense workout next day. But come next day, I would tell myself - lets start, lets do the warm up at least, lets do one set, lets do second set and so on...I once told someone that while doing the workout, I would think only of the 30 second breaks. 

I hated yet enjoyed every moment of this crazy, insane workout. I reveled in the physical pain brought on by it because that told me how much tougher I was getting mentally. Completing this workout was symbolic of me conquering fibromyalgia and helped me remove mental blocks that I had created ever since I was diagnosed with it. This program also made me physically & mentally ready for the hike to Everest Base Camp that I undertook a year later!

Insanity Month2

Week 5 has only one workout (Core Cardio & Balance) to be done all 6 days of the week. The workout is not tough and can be considered kind of a recovery period between Month1 and Month2

Week 6 begins with Fit Test and Max Interval Circuit - both to be done on the same day. Since I would preview the video before I did it the first time, I knew that there was no way I would be able to do both the test and the workout in one day. So I did the Fit Test on the rest day and started week 6 with Max Interval Circuit.

This circuit changed my definition of "tough workout". Except for how I felt while climbing towards Gorakshep at the height of 16,900 ft, for me this is the most torturous physical activity undertaken by me till date. Let me elaborate why...

The warmup is now 8 moves done for 30 seconds each, repeated once for 30 seconds each and repeated second time for 15 seconds each - 10 minutes in all. The moves are different and tougher than first 4 weeks of warm up routine. The stretch routine is more or less the same. The intervals are longer - 4 work outs for 45 seconds each - 3 minute interval followed by 30 second rest. AND there are 3 such sets!!! Extra minute of additional moves done after 1st and 2nd set, takes the workout time (sans breaks and stretches) to 39 minutes! 39 minutes of such high intensity training - with my petite size 4 frame (no I won't mention my weight :)) - I burn 600+ calories during this one hour workout. Imagine the burn for a 170 pound 6 ft man!

As compared to 28 minutes to workout time in Plyometric Cardio, 39 minutes may not look much longer numerically but the tougher moves and longer intervals (3 min as against 2 min) make Max Interval Circuit exponentially tougher.

Second day of week 6 is Max Interval Plyo that starts with the same brutal warm up routine introduced in Max Interval Circuit followed by stretches. The intervals are again 3 minutes long (4 moves - 45 seconds each) and as before first and second sets are followed by some additional moves. The last circuit/set is different - there is no repetition of the moves. There are 4 moves - each done only once. The workout time (without counting breaks and stretches) is about 33 minutes.

Fourth day of week 6 is Max Cardio Conditioning (third day is recovery workout). I don't find this one very tough and quite enjoy doing it. It has one similarity to Pure Cardio of Month1, that is, there is no repetition of moves (except during warm up) but the key difference is that there are breaks between moves - so its nowhere close to the 15 minutes of non-stop madness of Pure Cardio. The first two rounds of warm up are same as other two Month2 workouts. The last round consists of 5 (of the 7) Month1 warm up moves done for 15 seconds each. Post stretching you go through 21 different moves - the workout out time including warm up is 33 minutes.

Overall, the 3 key workouts of Month1 are replaced with longer, tougher versions in Month2. The add on workout (Cardio Abs done with Pure Cardio) is replaced with Insane Abs (to be done along with Max Cardio Conditioning) and recovery workout is also different. Lastly Core Cardio & Balance (week 5 workout) is also included in weeks 6 through 9. If you notice, the workout calendar mentions to substitute CC&B with Max Sports Interval Training (assuming you have the upgraded insanity package that includes the latter).  The warm up for this fun (yes!) workout is a little light compared to the other warm ups and it is filled with fun exercises that move at a pretty decent pace. The program itself is made up of four circuits from five different sports: Boxing, Football, Basketball, Track and Gymnastics. Each circuit has different exercises but all of the circuits target your core, your legs and your chest. However, they do it in different ways that are fun and challenging without being murderous.

In hindsight, you will realise, that Month1 is truly a preparation for Month2. Month2 is where Shaun T pushes you to your limit. So if you really want to take your fitness to next level you must do this program!

Cardio Power & Resistance and Pure Cardio

Second workout of week 1 is Cardio Power & Resistance. There are a couple of different moves in this warm up compared to Plyometric Cardio because workout focuses on power. However the overall warm up routine stays the same - 7 moves 30 seconds each, repeated twice - 10.5 minutes in all followed by 6-7 minutes of stretching

Then its time for interval training - 4 moves, 30 seconds each, repeated twice with 30 seconds breaks in between. Two such sets, plus some additional workouts at end of each set. Total workout time minus breaks and stretches is 26 minutes.

Overall the workout is not that different from Plyometric Cardio circuit with respect to interval and rest periods. The breaks help bring heart rate down a bit (just like Plyometric Cardio) but the moves involve more power so some people may find it bit harder.

The third tough workout of the week 1 is Pure Cardio...am glad that first time it falls AFTER the recovery workout. This workout has exact same 10.5 minute warm up routine as Plyometric Cardio followed by stretches. However, what follows is not truly an interval training with rest periods in between. After stretches, one is expected to perform 15 different cardio moves for one minute each - NON STOP! With no water/rest periods in between.

I have to admit that even today this workout scares me - if you can make it through this workout, first time, without taking a break, then you MUST be in phenomenal shape!  First time I had to pause the video 5 times during this 15 minute window, just to bring my heart rate down. Second time (week 2) I paused it three times and thereafter I needed no break. The only good thing about this work out  is that it goes by so fast that before you know it, you are done!

By the time you reach third incidence of this workout, the schedule asks for two workouts in the same day - Pure Cardio AND Cardio Abs. The latter on its own is not a tough workout but to do it after 15 minutes of non-stop jumping, squatting, and running, requires a lot of will power.

To summarize the weeks 1 through 4 comprise of three tough workouts with workout time ranging from 25-28 minutes (not counting the stretches and breaks), one add-on workout (cardio abs) and one recovery workout. 

Insanity Plyometric Cardio

Weeks 1 through 4 have a standard warm up routine - seven 30 second exercises repeated twice, without break - total 10.5 minutes of warm up. First 3.5 minutes is truly the warm up, then you start to pick up pace second time and by third time you are expected to do exercises the fastest you can. After this long warm up is about  6-7 minutes stretching routine and then the fun begins!

Plyometric Cardio is the first workout after Fit Test. After warm up and stretching, you start with interval workouts. Each interval is 2 minutes long and comprises of 4 exercises done for 30 seconds each time and after each interval is a 30 second break (you really earn it!) You repeat each interval twice - so total 6 minutes in each set  and there are 2 such sets. Adding another 1.5-2 minutes of workout done at the end of each set, the main workout time is 28 minutes. Rest is stretching and 30 second water/ rest  breaks. 

Just to give you an idea of what kind of exercises these intervals involve, let me detail the sequences here:

You start first interval with Suicide Drills, (You run to the side, touch the floor, run back to the opposite side, touch the floor, etc.) Then come Power Jacks -- essentially jumping jacks with deep squats thrown in. Mountain Climbers are next, and then Ski Jumps. Only then do you get a 30-second water break. You repeat the sequence again, but faster. And then again, and faster still. The first round ends with a few additional moves: Switch Feet and Football Sprints.

Next interval has Basketball Jumps, Level 1 Drills (which involve dropping down into plank position, doing push ups, cranking out some plank runs, and then jumping back up), Ski Abs (stay in plank position, and jump your feet together up to the left side, then back, then to the right side), and In-Out Abs (same as Ski Abs, but jump forward while keeping your hands planted in plank position). This circuit is also repeated three times, with some additional moves at the end: Jabs, Cross-Jacks, Uppercuts, and something called "Attack". 

After this you move into a series of stretches to finish the workout.

First time you do this workout, you will wonder if you are truly insane, especially if you haven't done any kind of interval training before. But the 30 second breaks are extremely helpful and help you get through without throwing the towel in the middle of it. And trust me when I say it, the workout does get easier with time and you start to push yourself more. This happens to be the first workout of the first week and can truly shock you. But as you get through the week, the shock and the soreness starts to wear off and you start getting used to Shaun T's crazy workouts!

Lets get insane!

Insanity workout, as I already shared, runs over 9 weeks. Each week has six workout days and one rest day. Of the six workout days, one day is reserved for what is called a "recovery' workout - which as the names suggests is to give some reprieve to muscles through stretching.

In the first 4 weeks, there are 3 workouts that get repeated in a predetermined order (Insanity Workout Schedule) - Plyometric Cardio, Cardio Power & Resistance and Pure Cardio. Week 5 is a rest week where you do Core Cardio & Balance for all 6 days. Weeks 6-9 are similar to Weeks 1-4 except that workouts are much longer - again 3 workouts (Max Interval Plyo, Max Cardio Conditioning and Max Interval Circuit) are repeated with a recovery workout done once a week and one rest day.

If you google, you will find various reviews of the workout, so instead of boring you with what is already out there on the internet, I would like to share my learnings from this program:

• The workouts have lots of jumping/ plyometrics, so you should have good pair of shoes with ample cushioning. In addition, its advisable to do it on wooden flooring or invest in protection mats. I bought 6 interlocking protection mat tiles of 2'*2' after my knees and ankles started to hurt couple of weeks into the program. 6 tiles give you a total area of 6'*4' and this is enough for the workout. In addition to protecting your joints, these mats also come handy when doing push ups and various other plank exercises during the workout.
• Most people say that a tough workout is more of a mental push than physical push. I would normally agree with those folks but I found that the best thing while doing any of the Insanity workouts is to not think at all and tell yourself to hang in there till the next 30 second break. Till date when I do any of these workouts, I just think of the upcoming break and make it through the 2-3 minutes high intensity interval.
• Its imperative that you do NOT pause the video. Take a short 5-10 second break during the high intensity interval if needed but if you pause the workout, chances are you won't press play again - yes the workouts are really tough!!!
• Hydrate - you would sweat like you have never done before in life. So keep a litre of water handy. You would get to consume it in 30 second rest breaks. I still need two towels - one to wipe myself and one to wipe the floor!
• Ventilation - do not attempt the workouts in rooms that aren't ventilated properly. I have heard of people who almost fainted as the body couldn't cool down due to lack of air circulation. If you live in humid environment, it wouldn't hurt to do it with air-conditioning on.
• Do not attempt these workouts on a full stomach, you will definitely throw up! It's ok to have  a light bite for an energy boost but not a real meal. I always did the workout on empty stomach though.
• On rest days, do not be bed-ridden whole day - the idea is to take it easy but not to vegetate. Go for a slow walk, a leisurely swim or do gentle yoga. If you don't do anything on the rest day, next day your muscles will be quite stiff.  

In the next post I will share the structure of 6 key workouts of the program and how to get through each one.

Goal 4 - Insanity

As the name suggests Insanity (by Shaun T) is an insane workout completed over 9 weeks. At its core, it has HIIT - the heart rate is elevated through 2-3 minutes of calisthenics/ plyometrics/ body weight exercises interspersed with 30 second rest intervals. One can measure the fitness improvement by taking a test at beginning of program, end of program and once every 2 weeks while on the program. The Fit Test comprises of 3-4 minutes of warm up, 8 exercises done for a minute each with about a minute of rest after each exercise.

I was introduced to Insanity by a co-worker in Jul/Aug of 2012. After listening to him rave about the workout, I decided to take the Fit Test and failed miserably. I barely managed the warm up and couldn't do any of the exercise for the whole minute and after 4th one, I gave up! Sheepishly, I went back to 30 Day Shred and HIIT on treadmill.

But somewhere in my mind this stuck as a failure and I wanted to take my fitness to next level in order to make another attempt at it. In addition, while I had a good repertoire of exercise routines, I wanted to do something new. 2012 was all about 30 Day Shred, running and HIIT on treadmill. So I started 2013 with another two workouts from Jillian Michaels - Banish Fat Boost Metabolism and No More Trouble Zones.

Both workouts have about 5 minute of warm up, seven circuits of 6 minutes each and about 5 minute of cool down. And each circuit consists of 5 exercises done twice. And this is where the similarity ends. BFBM is a cardio workout that uses kick-boxing and plyometrics and introduces you to interval training. NMTZ, on the other hand, uses dumbbells and in addition to usual concentric & eccentric muscle contractions* associated with strength workouts, NMTZ also utilises isometric contractions*

Whole of Jan 2013, I focused on building my cardio fitness and muscle strength through these two workouts, done on alternate days. In Feb 2013, I added running and swimming back to the mix. In Mar 2013, I added Kick-boxing (three 18 minute workouts from Jillian Michaels) and Kettle Bell workouts (two levels - 25 minute each - again from Jillian Michaels, called Shred It With Weights).

Till date these 4 - Banish Fat Boost Metabolism, No More Trouble Zones, Shred It With Weights and kick-boxing remain my most favorite Jillian Michaels workouts. I also tried Six Week Six Pack, Hard Body, Ripped in 30, Extreme Shred & Shred but I felt that either these didn't vary a lot from each other or weren't intense enough. While I would occasionally do 30DS levels 2&3 (together), I mostly stuck to these 4 workouts, running and yoga. Swimming was more of a weekend leisure activity done in evenings in addition to my morning workout.

After 6 months of focused effort to build cardio fitness and strength through this regimen, I retook the Fit Test of Insanity in first week of Jul 2013 and did as well or better than the two participants on the video. Finally I was ready to start the crazy, insane 9 week program!
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*In concentric contraction, the force generated is sufficient to overcome the resistance, and the muscle shortens as it contracts (eg bicep curl)
In eccentric contraction, the force generated is insufficient to overcome the external load on the muscle and the muscle fibers lengthen as they contract. An eccentric contraction is used as a means of decelerating a body part or object, or lowering a load gently rather than letting it drop.
In isometric contraction, the muscle remains the same length. An example would be holding an object up without moving it; the muscular force precisely matches the load, and no movement results.

Goal 3 - Muscle strengthening and HIIT

Whole of Jun 2012, I focused on increasing speed and time and by month end I was jogging/running at a reasonable pace - sometimes on treadmill, sometimes outside and weekends I would break the monotony with swimming and yoga. While my upper body was responding well to 100+ sun salutations, I was getting bored of the routine. After I hit 176 sun salutations in one sitting I felt a strong need to try something tougher. Same with running - while I was building lean muscles I wasn't providing the workout to my fast twitch muscles.

Essentially, muscle breaks down into two kinds: slow-twitch (type I) and fast-twitch (type II). Slow-twitch muscles work well if you run marathons, but if you want to achieve fast, explosive movement you need bigger, high-velocity, fast-twitch muscle fibers. Most of us have about half slow-twitch and half fast-twitch muscle fibers. In contrast, Olympic sprinters boast about 80 percent fast-twitch muscle. Interval training, heavy weights & low reps are couple of ways of building fast-twitch muscle fibers.

In Jul 2012, I decided to experiment with 30 Day Shred from Jillian Michaels. The program has three levels and usually one stays on level 1 for 10 days, level 2 for next 10 and level 3 for last 10 - hence the name 30 Day Shred. Each level consists of a warm up routine, three 6 minute circuits - each circuit comprises of 3 minutes strength, 2 minutes cardio, 1 minute abs and finally a cool down. All in all about 24 minutes workout. Sounds easy, right? 24 minutes...big deal! I can jog for 50 minutes...it is less than half of that. Well...two days into the program and I realized that I couldn't do it everyday. The push-ups, the calisthenics and the free weights - all felt very tough! So I started doing level 1 every alternate day, then two days in a row followed by 1 day break. It took me 15 days to complete 10 days of level 1.

Then I started level 2 and couple of days later took a fortnight long break from it. Level 2 had lot of planks and my upper body simply wasn't ready for it. Then I started level 2 again but on alternate days. By first week of Aug, my body had started to get used to 30DS and I decided to add cardio to this training. Instead of usual jogging at 7.5 kmph, I started with High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) on treadmill.

A HIIT session often consists of a warm up period of exercise, followed by three to ten repetitions of high intensity exercise, separated by medium intensity exercise for recovery, and ending with a period of cool down exercise. The high intensity exercise should be done at near maximum intensity. The medium exercise should be about 50% intensity. Depending on one's level of cardiovascular development, the moderate-level intensity can be as slow as walking.

One can start with 1:2 ratio of high intensity to medium intensity periods (which is what I started with), then you can graduate to 1:1 and finally to 2:1. As you increase the ratio, you may need to reduce the interval period. For instance at 1:2 ratio I run for a minute and jog for 2 min (3 minute cycle). But if I were to do it as 2:1, then its better to do 30–40 seconds of hard sprinting alternated with 15–20 seconds of jogging or walking (1 min cycle).

In addition as you get fitter, you must increase the intensity of the high intensity interval. For instance, when I started HIIT I would run at 10 kmph for a min and for 2 min jog at 7.5 kmph but today at the same ratio my speeds are 12 kmph and 9 kmph. If I want to increase  the ratio I must keep my high intensity interval at 12 kmph but reduce the speed of medium intensity interval to say 7.5 kmph. The medium intensity interval is used to bring the heart rate down before you take through the roof again. So if you want to increase the work to rest ratio, the intensity of workout during rest period needs to come down.

Guess I have confused you enough :), so lets get back to my story...First day I managed eight HIIT cycles in addition to level 2 of 30DS. Now my weekday routine was 30DS level 1 or 2 plus about 7-8 three minute HIIT cycles. Weekends I would swim to rest my sore muscles. By end of Aug 2012 my average jog/run speed had gone up to 8.5 kmph and the days I wouldn't do 30DS I would run for 40-45 minutes. I continued this for another two months and last week of Oct 2012, I finally reached level 3 of 30DS. Level 3 introduced me to plyometrics and soon a new set of muscles in my body was paining. I had to intersperse level 3 with running and swimming as my joints and muscles couldn't take all that jumping.

The 30 day program had become more of a 120 day program for me because my upper body was extremely weak and unable to lift my own body weight while doing planks or push ups. But I knew that I was improving. I had started with doing push ups on my knees and even then I could barely touch the chest to ground. By the end of 120 days I was not using my knees any more and was getting a bit closer to ground with every passing day. I also used these four months to increase my average running speed and cardio fitness through HIIT on treadmill.

Come Dec 2012, I started playing with various combinations - some days I would do level 1 and level 2/3 of 30DS, some days I would do 7-8 HIIT run cycles and do level 2 or 3 of 30DS, some days were only for HIIT, some days for jogging out in the open and some days for just swimming. What stayed constant was the 30-35 minutes yoga and stretching routine that was essential to keep my fibromyalgia pain under control.

This variation not only kept the boredom at bay, it also ensured that I didn't overwork same set of muscles. Doing different workouts stressed different parts of my body and allowed the muscles to heal before I would stress them again. I had finally learnt to listen to my body. Though I was still in pain and needed 2-3 hours of daily physical therapy but I was getting stronger and my reliance on pain killers was almost nil.

Thanks to Hussain, Jillian Michaels and HIIT, 2012 turned out to be a great start to my fitness journey!

Goal 2 - Jogging

In these 3 months my fitness levels improved significantly - I was 20 pounds lighter, could perform 100 sun salutations (Goal 1) and post that walk for 30 minutes at 6 kmph at an incline of 12. I couldn't help but wonder if I should attempt more...

When Hussain had started treating me in Jan 2012, he had promised that I will be running by June and I had laughed at his statement. But now that goal looked achievable. So I decided to start with some jogging on treadmill. In between incline walks at 6 kmph I started jogging, in intervals, at slow speeds of 7 kmph at a mild incline of 1 or 2. I would walk for a minute and jog for 2 minutes - first day I managed 17 minutes of jogging in the 30 minutes that I spent on the treadmill. I couldn't believe it...

Next day I was able to increase the  jogging time to 20 minutes and average speed of jogging also went upto 7.5 kmph. I know that for most people this is brisk walk pace but I couldn't risk higher speeds, lest I increase my pain. Hence I stayed at lower speed, mild incline and in about 3 weeks I could jog at 7.5 kmph for 40 minutes non-stop (5 km in distance) . In order to avoid overtaxing same muscles, I would intersperse jogging with swimming and incline walking. 

This, incidentally, was also a time when I was in between jobs and hence enjoying a 2-month break between my last working day at previous company and joining date at the next one. Since I had time on my hands I was still doing 100+ sun salutations a day (increasing by a few every now and then) in addition to the walking/jogging/swimming. I would start my day with breathing exercises (pranayama) and 100 plus sun salutations (18-24 minutes depending on the count). This would be followed by 40 minutes of jogging or 30 min of high incline walking. Morning workout would end with about 20 minutes of stretching to soothe my sore muscles. If I had energy I would also go for a swim in the evenings.

Being at home these 2 months allowed me to eat early in the evenings. My diet now was tea, marie biscuit and fruits or oats for breakfast. An early lunch (11:30 AM) of 2 chapatis and vegetables. Mid afternoon I would have tea/coffee with marie biscuits. And I would wrap up the day with an early dinner (6:00 pm) which again constituted of 2 chapatis and vegetables. If I felt hungry between 6 pm and bed time, I would consume a glass of hot milk (sans sugar). I would also have my occasional rum with diet coke or a small piece of chocolate but I kept those indulgences to minimum. This no longer had to do with losing weight. Any time I ate more at night or ate late or indulged in alcohol, I was not able to enjoy my workout the next day. 

By third week of May 2012, I could jog at 7.5 kmph for 50 minutes non stop. So I decided that it was time to let go of the confines of home & treadmill and step out in the open. First attempt, I managed to run 5+ km in 41 minutes - while it was much slower than the speeds I was used to 5 years back, it was an achievement none the less. In less than 5 months I had reached my second goal - this was freaking awesome!

The last variable

To get to the fitness level I wanted to achieve, I had sorted 2 of the 3 variables so far - first was intake, second was pain management but third one, that is, the spend was still not determined. While the pain was reduced, I was still unable to run or do physically demanding workouts as I was neither that fit nor did I want to risk increasing my pain. It was after almost 5 years that my pain had come down to reasonable levels thanks to Hussain and I wasn't ready to rock the boat just yet.

Then I learnt that trigger point therapy kind of weakens muscles and in turn weakened muscles develop trigger points easily. So more therapy I took, more I increased the probability of fresh trigger points. Only way out of this situation was muscle strengthening. Years of just walking, swimming and yoga combined with this therapy had left my muscles very weak. I couldn't even lift my purse/bag without wincing in pain - a fitness regime to build muscles sounded almost impossible.

As I was about to lose hope, yet again, I stumbled upon a book that reminded me of something I had kind of forgotten. Yoga. Yes I was doing yoga everyday but more as a stretching regime and not as a holistic approach to strengthen my mind, body and soul. From my previous experience with yoga (at the age of 15) I knew that yoga works in a different fashion - it speaks to the mind from inside and to the body from outside and while it takes time to get them, the results are no less than miraculous. 

So I started the day with breathing exercises (pranayama) - mostly Kapalbhati, Agnisaar and Anulom Vilom. Then I proceeded to do Surya Namaskar (Sun salutation). I started with 2 on day one and decided to add one more every day. My body was too weak to lift its own weight and the first day when I completed 10 salutations, I felt I was going to die. I was out of breath, my arms and shoulders were paining and my quadriceps were screaming. But I kept at it, now adding two every day and 20 days later I had crossed 50. After I crossed 50, I started adding 4 every day and in about 45 days since I had started I reached the count of 100! 

For me this was exhilarating. I had only heard stories of people doing 100 sun salutations in one sitting, I had never imagined that I would be able to the same. Next day when I started the salutations, I wasn't sure I would reach 100 - after all it could have been a fluke. But I managed 100 again and the next day and the day after...

In addition to yoga, I was still doing incline walking on weekdays, swimming on weekends and dedicated one day a week to yoga that started with pranayama and 100 sun salutations, included asanas for upper body, core & lower body and ended with meditation. 

3 months into this new regimen, I started to look and feel better. Under the weight of my own body while doing sun salutations, my shoulders and arms had started to strengthen. Incline walking had started to work on quadriceps, glutes & calves and rest of the asanas had started to work on my core and smaller muscle groups all over. I had also lost 20 pounds and was able to workout for longer duration now that my knees and ankles were carrying that much lesser weight. 

The pain during this period had definitely gone back up but I was able to manage it with therapy and meditation. The 3 pronged approach that Hussain had laid out - medication, meditation and muscle strengthening - I was following it religiously. Every day I would report out my workout, share where the pain had gone up and plan next day's workout under his guidance. If he told me to not do some specific exercise or asana, I wouldn't do it. And I must stay that listening to him helped. A few months later I figured out that I don't need his consult every day if I just listened better to my body but as of now I wasn't anywhere near that stage and relied on Hussain to guide me during this beginning phase. Looks like I had the last variable almost figured out!

A new beginning

After 4.5 years of being in pain and trying various remedies - homepathy, ayurveda, naturopathy, accupressure, acupuncture and ofcourse still on amitryptiline and physical therapy, I had come to the conclusion that I needed to change my approach to solving this problem. I was working primarily to fix the symptom, i.e, pain. I needed to fix this problem in a different manner.

I still didn't know the root cause of fibromyalgia (actually no one still knows for sure what causes it- some say it's genetic, some say is just stress, some say it's environment) and hence couldn't attack it. Only thing I had realised was that therapy and medication alone will not cure me. As I was searching for these answers, fate sent Hussain into my life. (No not DJ Hussain - though I agree that shaking a leg to his music does help me :)) 

Hussain was my new physiotherapist as last one who was treating me found another job and was finding it logistically tough to give me private sessions. At first I was vary of this change because I would need to go through my history all over again and explain what works, what doesn't and then slowly build a rapport that is needed when you spend an hour with someone on a daily basis, while screaming in pain most of the time! 

After 3.5 years of taking therapy I was speaking therapists' language like which muscles are paining or which ones were treated yesterday so shouldn't be treated today and so on. So once he went through my treatment history at a high level, I told Hussain to treat a particular area on my upper back. Most therapists would finish the treatment in about 30 min. But he took one hour and still we couldn't cover the entire area under question. I was surprised but I didn't say anything because every therapist has their own style. Next day again he took longer to cover another portion of upper back. I was tempted to ask him the reason but I chose to keep my mouth shut. As I woke up on the third day I found that pain in the areas treated by him was significantly lower than I had ever remembered. Now I was sure that he was doing something different but what exactly I didn't know that.

Armed with this positive news, I decided to find out why his brand of same therapy took longer and how it yielded better results. The answer was simple - most therapists focus on bigger trigger points to give pain relief in shorter time. But he treated on small ones as well because when left untreated for a long time they can undo the work being done on bigger ones. 

I decided to work with Hussain for some more time to see if his approach was really more effective in the long run. The cost in terms of money and time just doubled up for me. Now I needed 2 hours of therapy a day to ensure that we cover all key muscles atleast once a week. But the relief was noticeably more and was lasting much longer. To me, this was the first ray of the rising sun after a long cold weary night! 

Another Plateau!

After my naturopathy treatment, I tried sticking to their diet plan but it was difficult to sustain schedule of lunch at 11 am and dinner by 6 pm. Slowly some of the old habits came back, for instance, weekend cosmopolitans or late dinners due to work pressure.

However since I could exercise more, I didn't gain weight…instead I lost about 5-6 pounds. But that wasn't enough...I still had 30+ pounds to shed. I stayed on this track for a year  - still marginally in obese category, but eating healthier than before and exercising more.  I did make another farm visit in between for a week, lost no weight but could exercise even more, though still could not jog/run.
I wasn't getting results at the pace I would have liked but I was not ready to give up. I would work out religiously, stay away from high calorie stuff like pizza or ice-creams but something was not working. I was stuck at this weight.

Then came time for my annual vacation at a beach resort. Earlier vacation for me meant eating and I would usually end up gaining 5-6 pounds in 5 days. So this year I was determined not to gain weight. I went to gym in morning, swam for an hour in evening. I kept my drinks to maximum 2 a day; stuck to 2 meals a day – late breakfast and early dinner; didn't eat ice-creams or chocolates and yet I gained a pound a day. 5 days and 5 pounds later I was devastated…where did I go wrong? I worked out (as best as I could with the pain), I ate sensibly and yet I ended up gaining weight!!!

I knew I had to get to the root of this problem and for that I needed data (those who know me are probably smiling right now :) ) I knew I have to now start calculating how many calories I am eating, how much I am burning and then find out where the problem lies.

Last time when I had started calorie counting it was a pretty painful exercise, I had no tool, no database and everything was manual. But this time I remembered someone who had lost about 60 pounds, a couple of years ago, by using a calorie counting app. So I went ahead and downloaded the app on my smartphone, created my profile, entered my weight loss goals and got back the net calorie goal. Now I was ready to start logging in.

As I started logging in my food entries, I found that while my main meals were not an issue in terms of calories, it was the so called healthy snacks (sugar free biscuits for instance) that were adding to my calorie count. I also learnt that walking doesn't burn as many calories as I had thought. In summary my intake was same as spend and hence I wasn't losing weight. The first step to get moving from this plateau was to create a calorie deficit through lower calorie diet and more exercise.

For diet correction, I went back to drawing board - this time a virtual one and designed a 1200 calorie diet for me. I created recipes on this app, using actual quantities of raw ingredients being used in my kitchen, and computed calories of each serving of daily food that I was consuming. Soon I realized that I needed to cut down on the second helping of "healthy" vegetables because while we may all curse potato, a big chunk of healthy vegetables are also calorie rich. Yes they provide additional micro-nutrients that a potato doesn't but that doesn't mean we should consume them as much as we want to. While the app in itself wasn't the solution, but it was instrumental in educating me about making better food choices. I could no longer tell myself that since I have walked for 30 minutes, I have earned that slice of pizza.

Next step was upping my calorie burn - this was a tougher variable to solve for considering I was still in pain and still in need of daily physical therapy sessions. In addition, Praveen had left Bangalore and since them I had been through a series of therapists - all of them were good but none could provide me lasting relief.

By this point, I had been in pain for 4.5 years and 3.5 years since the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. For last 3.5 years I was using therapy as an alternative to consuming pain killers as the latter is toxic (though much cheaper). While I was aware that physiotherapy is not going to cure me, I just didn't know what truly will. In summary, this plateau was something I hadn't figured out a way, yet, to move from.

A tryst with Naturopathy

One day I saw this colleague who had lost 20 pounds in a month by going to a health farm that uses naturopathy to cure ailments including obesity. I am usually very skeptical of such farms but naturopathy sounded good and cost was not prohibitive, so I decided to send an application. The process includes a doctor reviewing your application and granting you admission if they find that you will benefit from the stay.

Key reason I had applied for admission was treatment for fibromyalgia because I knew that once I get rid of pain, I can buckle up and lose weight as I had done before. My application was approved and finally I landed there for admission.

Let me give you an idea about the facility and treatment. No outside food is permitted in the facility, only very important medicines (approved by a doctor there) are allowed, you have to deposit the rest. Surprise checks of your accommodations ensure that all patients comply with these two rules. The doctor, after a detailed and long consultation, decides on a course of treatment which is accompanied by a diet.

Diet is as much a part of the cure as the treatments they have. You can’t cheat on the diet because it is written on a card and you are given food per the instructions on your card. Plus there is nothing interesting anyway that would tempt you in the first place! In addition to a strict diet, naturopathy also means that you can’t have anything toxic or addictive like tea, coffee, tobacco, alcohol, meat. Even dairy is considered unnatural. Your food mainly consists of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and soy milk.

Treatment includes various kinds of packs & baths, colon-cleansing techniques, yoga, acupuncture, reflexology and physiotherapy.  A typical day starts at 4:30/5:00 am with a walk, followed by yoga, then after a glass of juice for breakfast your morning treatment begins. Lunch starts at 11 am so post treatment you have lunch and can get an hour of rest before afternoon treatment session. Then you have disease specific yoga class, acupuncture, reflexology, swimming (if you’ve energy left). Dinner wraps by 7 pm. Most folks take long walks post dinner as well.

For most people lunch and dinner is usually fruits and boiled vegetables in controlled portions. Some lucky ones get to eat whole wheat chapatti. And if you are unfortunate your lunch and dinner will comprise of a just a glass of juice each. These are called fasting days and are used as a detox. During my stay I was on fast for 3 days...first day is the toughest - you experience severe headache but by third day you are full of energy and ready to take on the world. The decision on the diet is doctor’s – you can shed a few tears and get him/her to be lenient for one meal but mostly they are strict about what you should eat based on your ailment.

I was at the farm for 10 days but I didn't lose much weight inspite of walking 6 miles a day and eating only fruits and vegetables. However, I did see a significant increase in my stamina to exercise and flexibility of my body. There were certain yoga poses that I couldn't perform perfectly when I had landed at the farm but by the end of the stay, I could do all of them with perfect form.

I came out about 5 pounds lighter (most people lose 10+ pounds in the same duration) and physically a lot better than I had expected. I, personally, give their colon-cleansing treatments a lot of credit for the difference I felt in my stamina. I had 3 of them and while I found  them painful, I still remember feeling better after each successive treatment.

One thing that I learnt from this experience that there is a lot of merit in eating natural/fresh foods as against processed/preserved items that we consume a lot. Eating wrong food (even if low in calories) damages our body more than eating higher calorie right food. I would rather eat a 160 kcal mango as a snack than eat a 150 kcal protein bar.

One step at a time

In tough times food becomes a source of comfort and creates a vicious cycle. You gain weight, nothing fits, you get upset so you eat more food for comfort, gain more weight, get more upset and eat even more...

In order to break away from this, the most important and toughest step is admitting the problem. It took me a few more months to realize that I was using food and alcohol to comfort myself during this pain ridden difficult time. The key challenge with this problem, which millions of people worldwide deal with, is that there is no easy fix for this. I did't know what to do about it or how to fix it.

Amidst all this chaos, in a rare moment of sanity, I decided to try meditation. I signed myself up for a 10 day residential course on the outskirts of the city and without thinking landed there. In hindsight, had I thought a lot about it I would not have attended the course.

I will not get into the details of the course in this blog (you can read about it here in stead) but it helped me stop using food and alcohol for emotional comfort - the first step towards recovery! I stopped gaining more weight and started thinking about how to shed the 40 pounds that I had gained.

Now that I was controlling my diet and weight gain had stopped, the second step was exercise. I had been exercising on and off - walking, elliptical trainer, yoga but I wasn't able to push myself too hard due to the pain. By this time I had started private therapy sessions with Praveen as my schedule at work was more hectic than ever and I was unable to find time to go to the centre for treatment.

While the doctor was still against me exercising, Praveen said that we would start slowly and that he will help manage the pain with therapy. Under his guidance, I started incline walking on treadmill and as expected the pain did go up but with extra therapy and my determination and his motivational words, I kept increasing the incline and speed and distance walked.

There were many times when I felt discouraged either because of pain or when I would think of how I used to run at high speeds for an hour or so before fibromyalgia, but I didn't stop working out. First I increased the time to 20 minutes, then I increased the incline, then the speed and then time again ...and in a few weeks I was walking for 30 minutes at 6 kmph at an incline of 10.

I had broken out of the state of inertia, I had taken 2 important steps - stopped using food for comfort and started a walking regimen. While I knew that there were many many more steps that I would need to take to reach fitness levels of an average individual, I refused to think about it. I kept my focus and directed all my energy to putting one step in front of another!

No light at the end of the tunnel

A few more months went by and the therapy became part of my routine - wake up, go to work, leave work, go to clinic, reach home, apply hot pack, have dinner and have restless sleep (thanks to fibromyalgia). This was all that I did for 4 months. To break the monotony, I decided to take a short vacation to lift my spirits. But as luck would have it, just a few days before the vacation, my pain increased manifold. I didn't know what else to do so I increased my therapy.

I still remember the day when I went to clinic in the morning as I couldn't wait for my evening sessions and after that instead of going to work, I came back home and broke down. At that time I was convinced that this ordeal of mine is not going to end, ever!

By this time Praveen (who had become a friend over this period) was moved to another centre and I was working with a young therapist who was still learning the technique. Poor guy gave me therapy even on his birthday as I was in so much pain but in his zeal to make me better, he inadvertently ended up causing more harm. He used too much pressure at the same points resulting in severe soreness and tenderness of the area in question.

I wasn't any better but I popped in some pain killers and went ahead with my beach vacation. After I came back, I met with the doctor as pain had not come down and he told me to lay off trigger point therapy and get some ultrasound and taping done. He also changed my medication from Pregabalin (the usual treatment of fibromyalgia) to Amitriptyline - who knew that I would respond better to a drug that costs one tenth of the latest and greatest Pregabalin!!!

With this new medication  the tenderness and soreness across my body started to come down and I could take more physiotherapy. Due to my bad condition, the center head and a very senior therapist (Muniyandi) took over my case. While he also mostly provided trigger point therapy, he used much less pressure and mixed it up with gross myofascial release and muscle energy techniques. Soon I was feeling better and was hopeful of starting exercise in a few weeks. I had gained about 10 pounds but I knew that once I get back to my earlier schedule, I would lose these in no time.

As luck would have it, things took a turn for the worse. Another 4 months since the change of medication and therapist, while the pain had come down, I had started to feel very tired and fatigued- so much so that I would lie down at the back seat of my car while I was driven to work. (Due to severe pain I had stopped driving almost a year back). And suddenly I started gaining weight as well - that too at the rate of 6 pounds a month. By the time I found out the cause of the problem and began treatment for that, I was back in the obese zone.

This weight gain was a result of severe thyroid inactivity -  my TSH levels were 160 (normal is less than 5.5.) We found anti thyroid antibodies in my blood, proof that my own immune system was killing it - for that matter had already killed it (hence the super crazy TSH levels). At this time I also tested positive for antibodies linked to fibromyalgia - establishing the fact that the two conditions were inter-related and that both were auto immune diseases.

Since it was almost a year since I had to give up exercise, I decided to get back to it slowly - same as I had done before at the weight of 200 pounds. I started walking again - increasing a bit every day. I also started GM diet...but I was too much in pain to stick to it. Then I started soy diet and then realized that soy doesn't help hypothyroid patients and gave it up. Lost a bit of weight each time I went on a diet and gained it all back and some more every time I gave up the diet.

6 months of this yo-yo dieting, comfort eating (and drinking) and minimal exercise due to pain, I gained another 10 pounds. Now I was totally miserable but didn't know how to get out of this vicious cycle. I had no willpower left to diet (managing day to day pain took care of that) and exercise at my increased weight was even more difficult. I was depressed, irritable and angry - at myself and everyone else around me. Unhappy, unwell and depressed, I continued to look for comfort in food and alcohol and gained some more weight and soon was pushing the limits of obese zone as well - at that time it felt that there is no end to this dark long weary painful tunnel that lay ahead of me!

The treatment

Now that I had the diagnosis and initial treatment plan, I was feeling a little better. The initial treatment plan included oral medication and 5 days of physical therapy. My idea of physical therapy was heat packs, infrared and ultrasound treatments. I had absolutely no idea what lay in store for me.

As I landed at the clinic for my first session of physical therapy, I was already making plans what I will do after the 30 minutes were over. Praveen TJ (my first physiotherapist) asked me a few questions about my pain type - where, what kind, how strong etc. Then he started "giving" me trigger point therapy - this involves manually pressing trigger points on muscles to reduce the pain. If you remember my last post, Fibromyalgia causes heightened feeling of pain when pressure is applied and here I was paying to have that pressure applied on the most painful area - trigger points! Soon I was crying out in agony, I still don't remember how I survived that first session but I do remember that afterwards all I wanted to do was to go home and curl up in bed - because of the physical pain and because of the mental anguish that accompanied the realization that treatment of my problem is going to be atleast as painful as the ailment itself!

Next day and day after I needed lot of determination to take another 30 minutes of the painful therapy but I did and soon 5 days were over. However, there wasn't any significant reduction in the pain. I consulted the doctor again, as planned, and he prescribed me one month of therapy. That's when I knew that I am not getting rid of this problem any time soon and I might as well try to understand the problem and the treatment course a little better.

So I started asking questions - to doctor, to Praveen, to other physiotherapists at the clinic, to anyone who was willing to answer my questions- as Praveen used to call me - I was a walking talking "question bank". Slowly I understood a few but very important things like - what is referred pain; what is the difference between trigger point pain and tenderness pain; what is myofascial pain; what activities, especially if repeated, would increase pain in which area of my body. A month got over, the relief was there but not enough so I started taking one hour of physical therapy every day.

During this time my fitness levels also took a nosedive. I had to stop all forms of exercising including yoga as that was increasing my pain and undoing the work done by my therapist. For an endorphin junkie not getting the daily fix is a big thing and on top of that I was in pain every moment of every single day. By now my pain had spread to my entire body, it was no longer restricted to right shoulder or iliopsoas. This was because I started using my left arm more as right was paining and soon that started paining as well. Similarly, I started to reduce the pressure on my right leg and soon my left leg was complaining. Guess nothing could escape this pain!

The diagnosis

70 pounds lighter and pretty fit - this healthy phase lasted for about 1.5 years. I continued eating normally and kept up with running, gym and swimming. It was a hectic time on all fronts - I moved into my own place, changed jobs and started moving up the professional ladder.

And then the tide turned...one day while running I got a severe cramp in my upper back. It was so bad I couldn't even move...it lasted for about 2 minutes and then went away as unexpectedly as it had arrived. I didn't think much of it and went about my business as usual.

A week later I developed a pain in my right iliopsoas muscle. I ignored it as a cramp for some time. Eventually I consulted a GP and he asked me to take a break from running for a week. The pain didn't go down in a week and since I needed to get my endorphin fix, I started elliptical trainer and biking. The pain worsened and finally I consulted an orthopedic, then another, and another...till I realized that no one knows whats wrong with me. All test results were negative, all scans were clear. No one could tell why I was in pain.

It was now almost a year since my problems began but I didn't gain much weight (probably a couple of pounds) as I kept doing some exercise or other. Then I changed my exercise regime to squash and my right arm from shoulder to fingers started hurting just after 2 weeks. Now I couldn't do anything - no squash of course but even typing at work was painful. I was in pain and didn't know what was wrong with me.

Just as I was about to give up my search for a treatment, someone suggested I visit an orthopedic who specializes in Repetitive Strain Injuries (RSI). I made an appointment reluctantly because I had met sports injury specialists and all other kind of orthopedics. I wasn't hopeful that the RSI specialist will be able to help me.

I went to the clinic's website, chose the branch closer to my place and landed there. The clinic's location and the general upkeep didn't help generate any confidence. Had to wait for 2 hours inspite of an appointment. Finally when I met the doctor, he asked a couple of questions, mostly listened and nodded and then started his diagnosis procedure. It took him all of 5 minutes to tell me that I have Fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is characterised by chronic widespread pain and a heightened and painful response to pressure. Its symptoms are not restricted to pain, leading to the use of the alternative term fibromyalgia syndrome for the condition. Other symptoms include debilitating fatigue, sleep disturbance, and joint stiffness. It is also associated with gastrointestinal issues like irritable bowel syndrome, psychiatric conditions such as depression and anxiety and stress-related disorders such as posttraumatic stress disorder.

It is not a disease in the true sense of the word - it can be best described as hyper-active nerves. The evidence suggests that the pain in fibromyalgia results primarily from pain processing pathways functioning abnormally. Hence, a fibromyalgia patient just feels more pain that an average person and even minor pain pulses are magnified before they reach brain.

Now that the problem was identified, my action oriented mind felt a bit at ease as the next steps were obvious - fix the problem!

Almost there!

5 years since that moment of truth, I was still struggling with my weight. I had taken off 45 pounds and kept them off. But I had 30 more to go and shedding even 5 pounds off it was proving to be extremely difficult. I would lose 5-7 pounds and gain it all back if I didn't monitor my diet very closely.

Ofcourse when I was 200 pounds this weight and fitness level sounded great but now I wanted to be thinner and fitter and I was looking for something that would help me get there. And just when I was about to give up this search, I came across Dr. Nigam's Soya Diet. The promises that the advertisements made were big and that's what made it difficult for me to believe them the first time. However those days the initial expense to start the program was not too high so I decided to give it a try.

For details you can visit www.drnigams.com but at the high level its a low carb, low fat and low calorie diet. Its a three pronged attack and if you can follow the diet 100%, it delivers wonderful results. The catch being? you have to follow it 100% - even a little bit of cheating and weight loss wouldn't happen.

The website says that you have to follow diet six days a week and 7th day you can eat normal food but that's not true. I followed that for first month but when I didn't get results, I followed the diet all 7 days of the week and started losing at the rate of 2 pounds a week. 3 months later I was down by 25 pounds.

Everyone around me was amazed at how fast I was losing the weight. Ofcourse I was running 4 miles a day to augment the diet but I know that diet was the key variable for the weight loss because even after I stopped that diet, I continued running 3-5 miles everyday but didn't lose any more weight. For those 3 months I didn't touch sugar or anything fried. I stayed off all lentils, grains and rice. Only carbs allowed were low calorie fruits and vegetables. Fat and meat were also limited as it was a low calorie diet as well. It wasn't easy but results were so great that I had no reason to cheat.

Shedding these 25 pounds made me look younger, gave me energy to do a lot more with my life and overall I felt comfortable in my skin...for the first time in my life! But as we all know nothing lasts forever, my diet also didn't. Because the diet had some specific food elements that made it work, eating out on this diet was not easy.

After 3 months, my role at work changed and I started travelling a lot. I kept up with my running and continued to avoid obvious high calorie stuff like pizzas and ice-creams. I gained back about 5 pounds over the course of 18 months but I didn't consider it a bad deal. I was living a normal life without any weight or fitness related issues. So what if I was marginally overweight? It obviously wasn't too bad compared to the 200 pounds I once carried on my tiny frame.

During these 18 months I added gym, pilates and swimming back to my routine to avoid the boredom that can arise from repeating the same workout. Weekends usually meant couple of hours in the gym in the morning where I would use the machines with weight. I never did "lift" weights but used dumbbells, leg press, shoulder press and similar machines. And the weekend evenings were meant for swimming - an antidote for sore muscles. But running was something that I loved and even on days when I would have a runny nose or bad muscle soreness, I would run for 2-3 miles to get my endorphin fix - yes I had become an endorphin junkie and I was proud of it!

Era of crazy dieting

After being stuck at the same weight  for more than year, my desperation was reaching new heights - I was willing to try anything and then I chanced upon Atkins Diet (www.atkins.com). This was the first of many low carbohydrate diets that I have encountered in the last decade. This ofcourse is so low carb that one can even call it "no carb" diet. The good part is that there is no calorie counting - you can eat as much meat and fat as you want. After 3 years of trying different low calorie diets, this diet seemed tailor made for me.

Atkins diet starts with a 14 day induction, that you can extend to even a few months if you have lots of weight to lose. The induction is the toughest part of Atkins. Your day starts with eggs and meat, continues with meat and ends with meat. Carbs are restricted to such an extent that even lemon juice, balsamic vinegar, cheese, eggs and sea food are allowed only in limited quantities. And ofcourse no sugar, no fruits, no bread, no rice, no milk, no vegetables (except the boring ones allowed as part of diet and that too restricted to two cups uncooked). In addition, coffee is also banned as it causes sugar cravings and so are sweeteners as they for some reason interfere with weight loss (especially aspartame) Basically for 2 weeks your taste buds wont get to taste anything sweet. The science behind the diet is to get the body into ketosis stage where it burns ketones (supplied by high protein diet) and fat for energy. It takes atleast 14 days of no carbs to get to this stage.

I started the 14 day induction program and then I realized how difficult it was! First day you are kind of okay as there is some still sugar in the body, second day the sugar withdrawal symptoms kick in and by third day you are willing to climb walls for coffee and carbs. However, come fourth day (assuming you didn't cheat first 3 days) your cravings start to die down and you are full of energy. For the 14 days, I followed the diet religiously - I lost 7 pounds and lots of inches from my waist and hips. After 2 weeks when I had a cappuccino at a local cafe, to me it felt like the best coffee in the world :)

I found it tough to maintain the low carb factor of the diet beyond 14 days as we Indians don't like the meat grilled, we prefer it with spices and curry. The latter has onions and tomatoes and that takes the carb count beyond what is allowed in the diet and the diet stops working. In addition, the high protein diet resulted in bad taste in mouth and my sweat developed a horrible smell (ketones I guess) - so, I decided to intersperse Atkins with GM Diet.

For the uninitiated, GM Diet is also known as Cabbage Soup diet - it is a 7 day diet where you eat one kind of food each day of week. First day is cleanse - so only low calorie fruits like melons, papaya (no banana, mango etc). Second day you eat veggies (boiled or with very little fat). Third day low calorie fruits and veggies both are allowed. Fourth day milk and bananas. Fifth day meat and tomatoes. Sixth Day meat and veggies and last day veggies, fruit juice and brown rice. If followed 100%, you can lose 4-6 pounds in one week. (some of it being water weight). If you are interested in doing it (its a great cleansing diet) you can get detailed plan on www.gmdietworks.com

I didn’t lose much on GM diet as I had already lost water weight on Atkins but it made it easier for me to do Atkins for another 2-3 weeks. I lost another 7 pounds and finally left obese zone for first time in 5 years and then I lost the motivation to stick to it and went back to normal diet. However, I upped my exercise to make up for this lack of "dieting", I also started running and started working on my fitness levels.

This crazy diet phase made me realize that while these difficult diets always yield results in short term, they would, more often than not, fail in long term because its not easy to give up on any one element of food for life.

A bump in the road

As luck would have it, at the time I was feeling really good about my fitness, I slipped and twisted my foot while returning home from work. Somehow managed to pass the night with ibuprofen and ice packs and next day went for an X-Ray. And found that I had a fracture of left metatarsal!

All my exercise plans went out the window. For 6 weeks I was using crutches and hobbling on one leg most part of the day. That made me so tired that after work I would invariably indulge in high calorie food. So instead of losing 6 pounds and leaving obese category, I was firmly back in it. I gained almost 8 pounds during this period and that led to more emotional eating and more weight gain - the proverbial downward spiral!

After the cast was removed, I still couldn't walk as much or as fast because the injury had left my muscles also weak. So I had to build the strength back slowly. Falling off the wagon is common and it's hard to get up and dust yourself and climb back on it. But hardest is to manage the fear of falling again because you remember how hard it was to get back on it and you are constantly worried about falling off it again!

While I was back on a healthier diet, the lack of exercise proved to be a dampener and after I lost those 8 pounds that I had gained back, I plateaued. I think it was because the 1000 calorie diet that I had designed allowed only certain foods in certain quantities. This restriction on types of food I should eat was not feasible in the long run and I had started eating other foods as well. Since I had no easy way of measuring calories of these other foods, over time my intake and output equaled resulting in the weight getting stuck.

In frustration I joined a slimming clinic - where they wrap you in heated pads, give you some strange treatments like tapping and ofcourse massages (those I loved :) ). However I found that there is really no easy way to lose weight and get fit because the clinic also designed a diet for me and expected me to exercise atleast 5 days a week.

Initially I saw my body getting toned but weight-loss didn't happen. I started dreading the visits to clinic because if your weight pre-treatment was up by even 3 ounces over the post-treatment weight of last visit, you were denied treatment that day. Since this was a time-bound program, every day lost was coming out of the money you had already paid. As the program period drew to close, I knew I was never coming back to this clinic or any other for that matter. I, however, was still stuck and didn't know what to do about it!

Lets get started

My first serious effort at weightloss and fitness started after looking at pictures of my morbidly obese self. At first, I thought of an easy way out - bariatric surgery. At my weight I was an ideal candidate for same and so I met this doctor in Mumbai. He asked me just one question  - "Have you given your 100% to losing weight before considering surgery as the only option?" And the answer, as you all expect, was a big fat NO. I wondered, here I am an ideal candidate for surgery and he will make good money off me but even he wants me to give normal / conventional methods a try first. What has he got to gain? Nothing! but he still is suggesting that surgery should be the last option and not the first!

I came home and opened a couple of books on weightloss (Slim Now Stay Slim by Dr. Snehlata Pandey) I had bought long ago. The book in addition to usual success stories had information on calorie count of various food items that we Indians consume. I designed a 1000 calorie diet and started from very next day. It required a lot of effort, like, microwave no/low oil cooking, coming home for lunch (it also helped that my office was just 2 miles) and maintaining a manual diary of what I eat through out the day.

In addition, I started walking and swimming (a little bit every day as at that weight every step and every stroke is a lot of effort). Swimming was tough for other reasons as well -  squeezing oneself in a swimsuit at that weight is emotionally traumatic - I was convinced I looked like a manatee! I still had that job that meant 6.5 days of work a week, so I used to come home in evening around 7:30 pm - swim for 30 min when it was dark, have dinner and then I would drive back to office to wrap up my day. I had finally realized that by giving all my time to my job I had missed even more important part of my life - my health. Now everyday I would squeeze 30-60 minutes to walk or swim. In addition, I started climbing stairs instead of using an elevator. It was hard, very hard, especially when your feet are killing you after 12 hours in office and carrying additional weight.

I stayed motivated inspite of physical and mental agony as I had started to see results - I was losing almost a pound a day and 15 days later I was down by 13 pounds - yes lot of it was water weight but this weightloss gave me motivation to keep going. In between, Diwali arrived - a festival celebrated with lights and sweets. You visit your friends & family and ofcourse everyone offers you sweets. It was very difficult to explain to folks why I wouldn't consume sweets. It was disheartening to see that almost everyone, especially the overweight folks, around me were trying to sabotage my efforts. They would say things like "one laddoo won't hurt you" or "you can resume your diet tomorrow" ...knowing fully well that the same thought process had led to where I was.

I am a little thick skinned so I steadfastly refused their attempts to feed me sugar laced food and I stuck to my diet. And it paid off...over next 4-5 months I lost another 22 pounds. In total I had lost 35 pounds (~16 kgs), but I was still marginally in obese category. I need to lose about 5-6 pounds to get out of that range...but I was happy as I was feeling like myself again. I was enjoying my walks as I could walk more and I could walk faster - I was walking an hour a day at a speed of 6 km an hour. I would play squash on weekends and no longer felt like a manatee while swimming. After a long time I felt as if I was living my life and not just dragging myself through it everyday!

Moment of truth

My weight issues started in my early teens - working mom, ailing father and the only child left to her own devices to feed herself. I ate whatever was available which was mostly processed carbs and fat. Cooking habits at my house didn't help either - we would use loads of hydrogenated oil in cooking. Fruits were the only positive habit I picked up from my childhood.

By the time I reached high school I was overweight and extremely conscious of the fact. I started walks, playing badminton and even yoga. They all helped ensure that I don’t gain any more weight but since my food habits were still bad, no pounds ever came off. By the time I finished graduation, I was constantly suffering from pain in the neck and shoulders which was diagnosed as Cervical Spondylitis. I would pop in occasional ibuprofen and manage the rest with yoga. 

During my post graduation days when I was struggling with subjects like Microeconomics and Operations Research, being fit or healthy was the last thing on my mind. Towards the end of first year of MBA, I went through a bad time personally and started focusing on fitness to take my mind off other issues. Slowly I started to feel better - both mentally and physically. 

The second year was worse due to load of more papers in 4th trimester and pressure of placements. I started relying on alcohol to get through the really bad days...there were bad days and there were really bad days. I passed out of b-school in a year where economy was down and jobs in financial sector were not easy to find. 

My first job, through campus placement, was in an alien city with a pittance for salary. Long commute, atleast 6 days a week of work - sometimes even 7 days a week, no time to cook - let alone exercise. All this added to my health issues especially because I ate wrong food at wrong times. I finally ended up quitting the job and moving to another city for a new one.

In the new city I was staying with friends, commute was minimal and it was 5 days a week of work (at least initially) we got time to cook and have 3 good meals a day. But my body wasn't ready for this increased food intake. I started gaining weight at a crazy rate (I gained 16 pounds in 2 months). So at the age of 23 I was close to being obese, couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without panting and was constantly tired. 

Till then I didn't know I had a thyroid problem, but I knew I need to do something so I joined a gym. I would eat per their diet plan, workout 2 hours a day and still wouldn't lose weight. I added swimming and aerobics to my regimen. I did see some results but nothing to write home about. Till now I hadn't seen an endocrinologist in spite of repeat suggestions from my trainer and dietician. 

Finally after 6 months of struggle and another 10 pounds of weight gain, I met a doctor and of course we found the thyroid issue and started treating it. However by that time I was working 6.5 days a week again and my food habits had reached a new low. I had no time to work out (or atleast that's what I told myself), I hated doing anything on my only day off and food was the only thing that provided me with a feeling of happiness. Yes...I was eating for comfort and I didn't know about it at that time.

I lived in this land of denial for another 18 months. My eyes opened for the first time when I saw my pictures after a vacation trip. I was 200+ pounds at a height of less than 5 feet. At the age where most folks are gearing up to enjoy life with the new found financial freedom, all I could think of was when I will get to lie down and rest! I should have been partying, travelling, having fun but everything felt like a torture - every step I would take was painful, every stair I walked felt like climbing 10 floors, and every household chore left me breathless. 

I was morbidly obese and I couldn't deny the truth any more. That is when I decided to do something about it. It has been exactly 14 years since that moment of truth. I have been through various diets and exercise regimes in this period and have learnt a lot about their impact on our body. The next few posts will talk about what I learnt in detail, may be someone else can benefit from the mistakes I committed :) 

Another blog on fitness and weight loss

So here it is...yet another blog of someone losing weight...what's new? Scores of people are doing it every day...how is this going to be any different?

Honestly, I am not sure if this blog would be any different from the ones that are already out there or the ones that are being conceived right now. But I do hope that combination of circumstances, that I had to manage during my journey to being fit, would strike a chord with at least one person and motivate him/her to start on his/her own path towards fitness.

In last 2 decades from being unfit and overweight (at best) to morbidly obese and trying numerous diets & workouts, I have been through a roller-coaster of health challenges. Through this blog I intend to share my experience of last 2 decades where I fought hard to become mentally and physically fit and how I view fitness today as against when I started on this journey.